This is a common problem that we see in our clinic, both in men and women. While the terms desire, arousal, and libido might all sound similar, they do not all mean the same.
Sexual desire
Sexual desire (also known as ‘sex drive’ or ‘libido’) is controlled by the brain. It is the driving force that makes us think about sex, behave sexually, and have interest in sexual activities. A lack of sexual desire is a lack of interest in sexual thoughts and sexual activity.
Sexual arousal
Sexual arousal (being physically ‘turned on’) involves a number of changes in the body. The heart rate, breathing and blood pressure usually increase. Arousal may include vaginal lubrication and vulvar swelling, and in people with a penis may include having an erection. A lack of sexual arousal (not feeling ‘turned on’) is a lack of physical response to sexual stimulation.
Links / resources
- We’ve stopped having sex – Relate
Help with relationship problems and more specific sexual problems. - Low sex drive (loss of libido) – The NHS website
Information on some possible causes of low sex drive, and treatment options. - TEDx talk: The surprising truth about desire everyone needs to know (Dr Karen Gurney) – YouTube
Dr Karen Gurney is a clinical psychologist and author of ‘Mind the Gap: the truth about desire and how to futureproof your sex life’ and speaks about desire in this TEDx Talk based on new information from sex science and sex therapy. - TEDx talk: The secret to desire in a long-term relationship (Esther Perel) – YouTube
Esther Perel is a psychotherapist focussing on couple relationships. In this TEDx Talk, she discusses sustaining long-term erotic desire in modern love.